My Truth: Life Lessons of a Single Mom

October 15th one year ago I found out I was pregnant and my world as I knew it changed. The only thing I could think of at the time was ‘holy fucking shit what did I do?’ I had unprotected sex with a person I barely knew. What an idiot. I can count on one hand the number of times I saw this person before getting knocked up. Damn. I really messed up. In that moment I felt scared. Not because I couldn’t handle being a mom, but because I had little to no knowledge of who the person on the other end of the pregnancy stick was (pun intended lol).

Let me back track a little bit though and be really open and vulnerable with you guys. From about 2011 onward I’ve been in 3 serious relationships that lasted 1-2 years each. In between those serious relationships I would find myself bouncing around from guy to guy hoping to find someone to make me feel wanted, loved and whole. Meanwhile I knew what I needed. More time with MYSELF. My intention was always to take some time to figure out who I was, what I wanted and where I was going with my life. Yet here I was time and time again self sabotaging my own plans. I never spent enough time with myself to figure it all out before I found myself seeking validation from others. Sometimes not even realizing that’s what I was doing! Like, here I am telling myself that I want to make it a goal to be single for a year and then the next thing I know I’m pregnant. Great job Nik. Way to go!!

I know I’m not the only one who does this either. Take it from me, give yourselves the time you know you need!! It is so important to feel whole and loved with yourself. Get a clear mind, figure out what you want and stick to your guns! Temptation is a mother fucker, especially if you’re a hopeless romantic.

Why is it that we constantly seek validation from others before we seek it from ourselves? This was the ultimate wake up call for me and honestly I truly believe it to be a blessing in disguise. The guy ended up being nothing more than a sperm donor & it forced me to spend time working on myself. Even though being Bodhi’s mom is the best thing that has ever happened me, it is the hardest and scariest job as well. Being a single parent and knowing that his future rests solely in my hands is terrifying. I hope and pray that I can be able to give him the life he deserves. I hope to be able to teach him to be hard working, compassionate, loving & above all else a gentleman.

It has been a year since that I’ve been truly single. God slowed my roll by giving me Bodhi. This experience has opened my eyes to see my worth and to love myself for everything that I am. I know what I deserve and what my son deserves. And that is someone that will be respectful, loving, compassionate, understanding & strong. Someone who is true to their word. Someone who isn’t afraid to be honest about their scars and truthful about their past. Someone who isn’t looking to just get laid to fill a void. Someone who won’t jump ship on responsibility. Anything less than that is a waste of our time. And it should be for all of you too. Take it from me. Love yourself. Get to know who you are and what you want before it takes a major life change for all of that to happen. You are worth every bit of happiness you want. You just have to believe it.

It took me a year to be able to write my truth. To not be ashamed of myself. To be proud of the woman I am. I know how hard it is to open up. I’m a person who holds a lot inside. Masks it. Fakes it. Struggles with it. But I’m also a person who believes in the journey. I know despite all the bullshit, everything is going to be ok and everything is the way it should be. I’m grateful for my life and I hope by sharing this message with you it has struck a cord and given you some clarity, hope & the will to look at your own life and change what needs to be changed for YOU.

With love,
Nikki

By Design

I would like to officially welcome you to my Web page! It is not an accident that you are here. Some way, some how, you came across an image of me, a post that inspired you, a video that motivated you and it prompted you to want to know more. Helping you in whatever way I can inspires me! I have made it my mission to try to help people of all backgrounds, ages and genders etc. I want you to get in touch with who you are physically, mentally and spiritually.

My whole life I have been compared to others and I have also compared myself to others, but let me tell you a little secret I’ve learned along the way… as much as you try to be like others you will NEVER BE LIKE ANYONE ELSE. You are the only one of your kind designed by God. You were designed in his image, made for a purpose that is unique to you and only you. Your body is your vessel and health matters. My mission is to help you get started or to get back on track with your Health and Fitness!

With over 8 years in the fitness industry as well as a lifetime of knowledge I have learned from training and competing in various Sports, I have a lot of Tips and Tricks that I am privileged to share with you!

Read Below:

‘To change your life, you must change the way you think. Behind everything you do is a thought. Every behavior is motivated by a belief, and every action is prompted by an attitude… Yes willpower can produce short-term change, but it creates constant internal stress because you haven’t dealt with the root cause. The change doesn’t feel natural, so eventually you give up, go off your diet, and quit exercising. You quickly revert to your old problems. There is a better and easier way: Change your autopilot – the way you think. Your first step in (spiritual) growth is to start changing the way you think. Change always starts first in your mind. The way you think determines the way you feel, and the way you feel influences the way you act.’ -“The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren a #1 NY Times Best Selling Author.

Change begins today. I want you to know that you are special and you are worth it! There is no better time than NOW. Let’s get started!